In San Diego the house is usually the biggest asset a family has, and borrowing against it to pay for care works only in specific situations.
By Diane Whitfield, CSA · October 24, 2026
A family sits down to price assisted living in Clairemont or Encinitas, looks at a monthly quote somewhere between roughly $4,500 and $7,500 depending on the neighborhood and the level of care, and then looks at a parent's Social Security check. The gap is obvious. So is the one asset that could close it: a house bought decades ago that is now worth many times what was paid for it.
That instinct is not wrong. Home equity is a legitimate way to fund care, and plenty of San Diego families use it. But the tools for tapping it are built for different situations, and the one families ask about most — a reverse mortgage — is the one most likely to be the wrong fit for the plan they have in mind.
Before any of this, be honest about which problem you are solving. Funding years of care at home is a different problem from covering three months of assisted living while a house sells, which is different again from stretching a limited pot until Medi-Cal takes over. Each points to a different instrument.
The federally insured version, the Home Equity Conversion Mortgage (HECM), is available to homeowners 62 and older, requires counseling from a HUD-approved agency before you can even apply, and pays out as a lump sum, a line of credit, or monthly draws. No monthly payment is due while the borrower lives in the home.
That last clause is where plans break. A HECM requires the house to remain the borrower's principal residence. If the borrower is absent for more than 12 consecutive months in a hospital, rehab facility, nursing home, or assisted living community, and no co-borrower lives in the house, the loan can be called due. Families who take out a reverse mortgage intending to pay RCFE rent with it often find the clock running against them from the day of the move.
Where a reverse mortgage genuinely fits: funding in-home care so a parent can stay put, paying for home modifications and a caregiver, or covering care for one spouse while the other continues living in the house as a co-borrower. Those are the scenarios it was designed for. If the plan is a permanent move to a licensed community, selling the house is usually the cleaner answer, and a HUD-approved counselor will tell you the same thing.
When a parent is being discharged from Sharp or Scripps and a deposit is due this week, the problem is timing, not total money. Senior living bridge loans exist for exactly that: short-term borrowing secured by the house, meant to be repaid when the home sells or when VA Aid and Attendance or a Medi-Cal determination finally comes through. They close in days rather than weeks. They also carry higher rates and fees than ordinary mortgage debt, so they belong in a plan with a defined exit, not an open-ended one.
A home equity line of credit or a cash-out refinance is cheaper money, but both are underwritten on income, and a retiree on Social Security and a small pension often cannot qualify. Adult children sometimes borrow in their own names instead. That can work, but it moves the debt and the risk onto the child's balance sheet, and it should be a documented family decision.
One lighter option gets missed constantly. California's Property Tax Postponement program lets qualifying homeowners 62 and older, or those who are blind or have a disability, defer payment of property taxes if they have at least 40 percent equity and household income under an annual cap the State Controller resets each year — it was $55,181 for the 2025-26 cycle. The filing window runs from October 1 to February 10. It is a lien, not a grant, but freeing up a tax bill can buy a few more months of in-home care without touching a mortgage. The State Controller's office takes questions at (800) 952-5661.
Loan proceeds are borrowed money, not income, so a reverse mortgage draw does not reduce a Social Security check or count as income for most benefit programs. California also removed the asset test for most Medi-Cal programs serving older adults in 2024, so cash sitting in a bank account is far less of a disqualifier than families remember. That does not make equity irrelevant: the house itself can still be exposed to Medi-Cal estate recovery after death, and a reverse mortgage balance plus a recovery claim can consume most of what was supposed to pass to the next generation.
Veterans have a separate path worth checking first. VA Aid and Attendance can add a meaningful monthly amount toward care, and unlike home equity it does not have to be paid back. Start with the VA San Diego Healthcare System in La Jolla before assuming the house is the only lever.
Do the ordinary diligence on the care side too. Verify any community's license and inspection history at ccld.dss.ca.gov before a deposit leaves the bank, and call County Aging & Independence Services at 800-339-4661 about public programs a parent may already qualify for. I am a senior care advisor, not a lender, financial planner, or attorney, and nothing here is financial or legal advice. Before signing, talk to a HUD-approved housing counselor (HUD's referral line is 800-569-4287), an elder law attorney, and ideally a fee-only advisor who is not selling the product.
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